Know Thou My Son

I don't want this to be a "soap" box kind of post where its depressing & sad. However, I should just get this out & express a few things that have been going on. I've had such some hard experiences lately & it just blows my mind. I don't know where they keep coming from. I first I was really bitter and just upset. In fact, the other day I told my dad in tears that I finally understood how Job, in the bible, felt. (granted that was one of my rough nights).
So for those that know me, know that I have a more raspy voice. Its progressed to what it is today since 2008. I have lost the ability to sing without it hurting. I get really bad sore throats & yata-yata-yata. So I finally decided, "you know what, I want to be a teacher & by cracky I can't be having my voice hurt all the time so I gotta get this checked out." So after talking with my regular physician, I got an appointment with an ENT. He is like one of the #1 ENT's within IHC, within the state of Utah. When I went to see him, he said that my vocal chords looked swollen & thought it could be because of acid reflux. So he placed me on some medication. Then a month passed & nothing got better. In fact things got worse & i had worse heartburn than ever before (and I never really had it in years past so it was so bizarre). So he referred me up to his friend, who is like #1 in the nation for working in the throat department (whatever terminology that is) up at a clinic by the LDS Hospital. When I met with him, named Dr. Marshall Smith, he said that I had a syst one of my vocal chords. Beautiful right? He says that it developed because of a clogged mucus-duct. And it could have formed because I"m over working my throat muscles & all this other jazz.
So he recommended some different medication, I'm on a strict acid-reflux diet, have to talk 50% less than I normally do, I have to go to therapy once a week & I drink so much water that I swear I go the bathroom every half-hour. (haha, its so ridiculous sometimes). He said that there's a chance that if my throat muscles can relax, the syst will calm down. However, I'll go back to him in the beginning of March & if it isn't gone by then, then I"ll have to have surgery & get it removed. Its an easy procedure & its out patient. However if you do get the surgery that you can't talk for 10 days after the surgery. THEN after 10 days you have to slowly progress up to talking again, you just can't talk all at once again. Ya talk about DIFFICULT! So if I do need surgery, I'll do it in May when I'm out of school & I won't be using my voice SO frequently. Its been so hard to deal with & I still have moments where I just think "why! Really Heavenly Father?!" But then I"m reminded by His dear love for me, his daughter, & remind myself that this is just a small moment in my life & that it will pass. I also have to remind myself that Heavenly Father knew I could handle this. I know that thru the atonement of Jesus Christ, lots and lots of prayers, this trial & experience has become easier to handle.

Now for the second experience that I have been putting off for weeks. So I'm sorry if this is kept short because I dont' want to get emotional. And if you're reading this for the first time, just know that I couldn't talk about it. But know that thru this experience, I KNOW that the atonement works & can heal our broken hearts, especially in times when we need comfort the most. Maybe one day I'll be able to fully express what a spiritual experience this moment really was. But my best friend was put down due to kidney failure. He is now with my grandparents & their son having the time of his life playing with children, going on walks & eating all the carrots he could ever want. I know he is still with me but compared to his mortal life, he can now be where ever I am. I have felt him & know that he is taken care of. The Lord has taken the pain from missing him, away from me & I'm able to see this experience in a different light. It doesn't make it easy, but it makes it more bearable. One day I"ll see him again & I know that I will always be his best friend. Sorry I gotta end, the tears are coming faster than I thought they would.