Recovering...

"What a week it has been" is definitely an understatement in my life right now.

I had surgery on my vocal chords last on May 18th and sense then, not a word nor laugh has left my mouth. (minus when I accidently slip, which is NOT often). The day of the surgery was an interesting one for sure with ups and downs and lots of tears. My mom came with me, which I'm forever thankful for.

I had my own hospital clothes and room. I hated the IV in my hand & I let the nurse know beforehand but she said that it had to be that way for the surgery. My anxiety was definitely kicking in and she knew it as she was listening to my heart. My mom and I tried to stay distracted by watching the TLC channel but it was impossible to really focus on it.

When they came to get me for the surgery I had to walk over to the gurney. The best part about being in a hospital bed and being transferred to the gurney was that they gave you warm blankets. sounds cheesy to say that but they were really nice. Then I had to leave my mom at the point that she pushed me into the ER. What an experience. Now don't laugh but to keep myself from dwelling on things, I started to count to 100 on my fingers using ASL. And then every time I thought of being afraid I reiterated the scripture "fear not, for I am with thee"

The anesthesiologist came and talked to me and I made it very clear that a little medicine goes a LONG way in my body because I have such a tiny frame (he didn't really listen to that & I sure paid for that later). Then I saw my doctor, dear old Marshall Smith. What a sweet man he is. I was crying at this point, because I knew it was close and he kept asking ever so sweetly "are you ok? things will be alright." I said to me, "ignore my crying, I trust you & know things will be ok. I'm just crying because I know this is change, and change is hard sometimes." then a nurse pushed me into the operating room & asked me to transfer from the gurney to the operating board. (ok, who likes to do that themselves in the first place?!) Not so fun. And then I was out.

When I woke up I was in the recovering room and the nurse gave me a pad/pen to write with. I dont' remember much and even when they were pushing me back to my room, an hour later, I don't remember much. I remember them asking me to climb back to my bed, form the gurney though. Which is so hard might I add when you are pumped full of meds. I felt SO out of it. I kept setting off my heart monitor because I have a low heart rate and the nurse said that the heart monitors were very touchy. I tried my hardest to keep my heart rate under control. Once I had it stable the nurse came in and took out my IV, I ever so slowly got back into my regular clothes and then a male nurse pushed me to my mom's van. He was so sweet. While we were in the elevator, it was very quite but he's like, "just write me to" and even when we reached the first floor he just said, "keep writing, its ok" (with the biggest grin on his face). He sure was nice.

While the anesthesia was working its way out of my body, I got really sick. I couldn't keep anything down for the life of me. And lets just make it clear that its SUPER hard to not say anything before/after you're throwing up your guts. The first 48 hrs were rough. But its getting better. :)
This week has been challenging in the sense that my family is such a laughing bunch and I can't laugh nor talk. My days consists of:

• watering the flowers/garden
• listen to my audiobooks for a while
• eat a creamy
• rest my neck (because wow, its still sore from the surgery)
• read the BOM (I have a goal to read this whole book during my recovery)
•   and lounge around in my house

Later on I heard that my surgery was actually 2 1/2 hrs rather than 45 minutes because Dr. Smith found that I actually didn't have a cyst on my vocal chords but rather have a condition called, sulcus vocalis. its a rare condition that Dr. Smith has only seen in like 5-10 of his patients. I haven't really researched it because I'm having high hopes that its gone, or drastically decreased, by the time I go in back for therapy/check up (which is Tuesday-therapy & June 7th-check-up). I pray and hope that its gone. 

Each day is getting easier. The pain varies from day to day but I'm reminded of a scripture in D&C that says that "all these things are for thy good and shall be for your experience." (or something along those lines). There must be things I need to learn through this and so I can't be bitter or complain. Things will work out. they always do. :) But regardless, I'm forever grateful for my family that has been so patient with me. Its not so easy having a mute person in your house.